Yes. Domestic Violence is STILL a Problem

I woke up this morning to a text from a friend, a forwarded NYT headline that read: “An Extraordinary New Book Dismantles the Myths That Surround Domestic Violence.” My heart sang! and then went dark. The book, No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, by Rachel Louise Snyder looks excellent. The title alone “No Visible Bruises” implies that the author is highlighting at the forefront that DV is NOT about (or only) physical violence. From reading the reviews, Snyder takes on and then dismantles the common myths surrounding domestic violence that are un-feminist and victim blaming. Yay! And, perhaps most importantly, here is a book, reviewed in the New York Times, devoted to DOMESTIC Violence. The lack of discussion on the topic of DV in the popular discourse is discerning and deplorable. I have been saying this for a while, in the era of #MeToo intimate partner violence and DV are not sexy or interesting. They’ve been displaced by the shining spotlight of male abuse of power in more public and sensational forms. The highlighting of sexual assault and harassment is most certainly a social and political advance, but what happens when we think abuse at home is over, no longer an issue? That it's a problem just for poor, uneducated women who have no choice but to stay? That it is part of the "Other's" domestic culture. What happens is we, the privileged, stop talking about it.

But that is not happening here. And a place for Snyder’s book in the popular press is most certainly due, in part, because of the success of the #MeToo movement in highlighting gender based abuse. I began this piece saying my heart sang and then fell. That is because I have experienced domestic violence and I have, no visible bruises.